I’ve been in a rut with anatomy/proportions and drawing robots helps so here’s rabbit with a big fluffy bunny tail and paw-like feet?
You doin’ good!
I am a fan,and I will always be a fan. The full personality of my blog persona here….is not artificially constructed to impress, woo, stalk or lie to the band. If I’m being nice, friendly and doing art for the band members it is because its the completely normal and nice thing to do to show appreciation and true to the heart of who I am….including whatever personality is showing on this blog. With my name full attached for them to look me up, if they so and have chosen in times.
The people I am here on tumblr as ‘Pierre’ is for myself, my friends and, mostly, the niche peer audiences and groups I try to fill. That’s who I’m here for. I love SPG more for the fans sometimes than the music! Its the bonds and the friendships and the conversations, both deep and stupid I have all the time on this blog, that keep me -alive- as an active fan, more than anything. David blocking me recently -likely- for the fact that, though I don’t hate SPG or anything, I was posting a lot of discussions about fandom behaviors and shenanigans, is not affecting me badly. I fully expected him to block me at least last year! He doesn’t have to see negativity and shit if he doesn’t want to, what is he my dad that I should feel crybaby that I didn’t live up to his expectations? I am not his child, I am me.
Its seriously not that big of a deal, about that.
All I was trying to get at is that I was describing the physical process of actually not giving a shit. My physical body was not giving two shits about it and it pushed the feelings of shaky anxiety into my limbs and not to constrict my chest and to depress me, because David casually blocking peeps during Saladgate after-burn isn’t that big a deal.
Like many other times I talked about this unusual thing because…..no one else seems to so hell yeah lets talk about outgrowing expectations of depression from relying on other people’s approval.
That’s all dudes, that’s all I mean what.
Now I’m tightened and upset with being attacked. I honestly came to tumblr to have a good time and I’m feeling so attacked right now.
No seriously that’s what. The best way I make people and myself happy is reblogging and posting and making jokes and humor, which a fandom and my 2,202 follwers can always use plenty of humor to lighten’ things up.
back it up there
You, me and the entire planet have absoloutly no clue or proof if David just don’t like me and, oh, -5 other people I saw were also blocked by him in one post- because specifically of some stuff I’ve posted. I don’t CARE and probably its better NOT to know, nor should I even.
You are making assumptions and bombarding my askbox because YOU do not like this thing I do sometimes, it is YOU, not him that dislikes me, and in pitiful rage against ME, a anonymous stranger in your life, you found the perfect ‘weapon’ to try to stop or hurt my feelings. Your tone of voice and being ‘protected’ by anon to scold and use disrespectful language shows me that maybe I too should block you, if I met you in person as well. You are not a better person for quickly and ineffectivly trying to stop my wrong behavior. David blocking me is NOT a ‘punishment’. You are trying to make it one and coming up with a reason why it should be considered a ‘punishment’ to fix my pencil scribbles!
So, what the fuck are you doing caring about how terrible a disgusting trollop you think I am, to the point you come BACK to my blog to rave at me? What the fuck is wrong with you holding this grudge? Get. Off. My. Blog. Please. Your point is made.
You would NOT HAVE SEEN THAT FIRST POST unless you were checking my blog or following me, because no one’s reblogged it!
He can block me for whatever reason he damn well wants. If he did it because that occasional terrible sex joke fanart I make is an attempt to personally attack his feelings then so be it. If he did it (likely) because of topics on my blog last month especially with others I talk about that sound like ‘balbhalhnegativelbhalbhfandom drama’, which is against his publically posted rheteric, then so be it. If he blocked me because he’s allergic to my face then so be it. If he blocked me because he thinks I’m an FBI spy stalking his computer then so be it. If he blocked me because there’s a Pierrot clown groping a lady’s boob as my homepage background picture, than so be it. It doesn’t matter what because he ain’t comin back to me.
What I’m trying to say with my post previously is that I’m congratulating myself on the back about some reasons why my heart isn’t caring at all about this knowledge, when, in the past, I would be snuffling into a tissue and shaking in my seat because ‘d-david h-hates me11!’
You know, being cool about it and that I care more about my own blog and life than relying upon one of the bandmembers fulfilling my self-esteem, ya know?
Isn’t that what snide tumblr anons like you want, more people talking about their personal baby steps to mentally growing up out of ‘fangirling’?
2:15am: Doodling Rabbit because I haven’t sketched this lovely bunbun in a while. @ v @
Feeling incredibly overworked, blaaaargh.
Well guise, after some observational investigating, I believe I am blocked by David Bennett on tumblr.
I theorize this happened around the time I had extra time a couple weeks ago to engage in conversations about fandom drama including adding stuff to posts he had been doing around that time.
I also joke-tease David for fandom humor posts, despite that I do find his very attractive, but I doubt he threw a babyfit that I’ve poked fun at his eyebrows too many times. He makes similar jokes all the time, that is teasing people.
The weird thing is that normally I should feel immediately very sad and affronted by this, however, I understand why he would block people-he-doesn’t-know whenever he sees them talking anything he doesn’t care about that is on the negative. Its not a personal grudge or whatnot at me. (I would hope so) He is notorious and says so about blocking willy-nilly lots and lots and lots of people. Being in the fandom and active for this long is obviously not anything at all to be considered ‘entitled’ to be, uh, not-blocked I guess.
So its like, anxiety and grief is bubbling up in my chest because ‘spine-pai isn’t noticing me anymore’ but then suddenly it hits a WALL of RATIONALE and it……goes cold and stone. It feels like waves of reactionary stormclouds are being smacked against a big wall that prevents these feelings from really taking over. Immature feelings and the wall is the reasoning that I know and never should expect some magic attention and acknowledgement from David, ever.
there’s like a war of Mature Dont Care vs. Immature Fangirl going on in my chest. This is so weird guys. Its like I’ve eaten some rocks and I’m just so confused because I know I would normally be feeling butthurt at this?!?! But I know I don’t need to and whatever?!?! This is so fucking weird. Please don’t purposefully get yoself blocked from David in order to experience this feeling becuase its weirdly numb and confusing in accepting this fate.